The cowgirl position: how to ride like a pro

The cowgirl position is the classic woman on top. Your partner lies on their back, you straddle their hips facing them, lower yourself on and ride. You can sit upright, lean forward onto your hands or press your chest against theirs. Whichever way you do it, you're the one in charge, and that changes everything.

It's called cowgirl because, well, you're riding. It works with a penis, with a strap-on, or between two women grinding against each other, and anyone of any gender can be the one on top. The core idea stays the same: the person on top controls the speed, depth and angle, while the one underneath gets to lie back and enjoy the view.

For a lot of women it's the position that makes penetrative sex finally click. Instead of hoping your partner hits the right spot, you move until you find it, then stay there. That feeling of control is a turn-on in itself, and it's a big part of why this move has such a devoted fan club.

For many women, yes. Most women need clitoral stimulation to come, and the cowgirl position lets you press and rub your clit against your partner's pubic bone as you move. You can also tilt forward or back to aim the penis or toy at the front wall of the vagina, where many people feel extra sensitive.

Control is the real secret. You decide how deep, how fast and how hard. If something feels amazing, keep doing it. If something hurts, change it instantly. No guessing, no awkward directions, no waiting for your partner to get it right. That freedom often makes it the best position for female orgasm, especially for women who find it hard to come during sex.

Your hands are free too. While you ride, you can reach down and touch your clit, or hold a small vibrator between your bodies. Your partner can do it for you as well. Combine grinding with a bit of extra clit play and you've got one of the most reliable routes to an orgasm during penetration.

It's easy to get into, and a smooth start sets the tone. Here's how:

• Your partner lies on their back with a pillow under their head so they can see you.
• Kneel astride their hips, with your knees on the bed either side of them.
• Add lube, then hold the base of the penis or toy and lower yourself slowly.
• Take your time sinking down until you're comfy and fully seated.
• Start with small movements while your body warms up and adjusts.

Soft knees matter. A comfy mattress is best, and a pillow under each knee helps if you're on the floor or a hard surface. If your thighs get tired, lean forward onto your hands or your partner's chest, which takes the weight off your legs and gives you a whole new angle to play with.

Before you start, get properly turned on. Being wet, or using lots of lube, makes sinking down feel amazing rather than awkward. Spend some time kissing, grinding over underwear or straddling them while they touch you. By the time you lower yourself on, you'll both be desperate for it.

Learning how to ride a guy is mostly about trying different moves and noticing what feels best. Grinding is the one to start with. Stay seated, keep him deep and rock your hips forward and back, or roll them in slow circles. Your clit rubs against his body with every move, and he gets steady, intense pressure.

Rocking is a bigger version of grinding. Lean forward slightly and slide your hips back and forth in long, smooth strokes, almost like a wave. This gives more in-and-out sensation without lifting off. It's a great middle ground when you want more friction but don't want to lose that clit contact.

Bouncing, lifting up and dropping down, is what most people picture, and it looks hot. But it's tiring, it doesn't hit the clit much and it's the move most likely to cause an injury if he slips out. Use it in short bursts for variety, and keep most of your riding to grinding and rocking.

Go slowly at first. Being on top can feel exposed if you're new to it, and it's normal to feel a bit self-conscious. Start with grinding, which is easy and doesn't need much rhythm, then build up as you get comfortable. There's no right way to look while riding. If it feels good, you're doing it right.

Use your partner for balance. Hands on their chest, shoulders or thighs give you something to push against and make it easier to move your hips. Lean back with your hands on their knees for a different angle that many women find hits the G-spot area nicely. Little changes in posture make a big difference in sensation.

Squeeze your pelvic floor muscles as you rise and relax them as you sink. It feels great for both of you and gives you a little extra grip. Keep plenty of lube nearby, take breaks when your thighs burn and remember these cowgirl position tips are just starting points. Play, experiment and find your own moves.

Being underneath in the cowgirl position isn't a day off. Hold her hips and help guide her movements, or grab her bum and pull her down onto you. Thrust up gently to meet her if she wants more, but let her set the pace. If she likes the rhythm she's found, stay still and let her ride.

Your hands are free, so use them. Stroke her thighs, cup her breasts, play with her nipples or reach down to rub her clit while she grinds. Lots of women love it when their partner circles their clit with a thumb while they ride. Watch her face and let her reactions tell you what's working.

And enjoy the view, out loud. Telling her how sexy she looks on top of you does wonders for her confidence. Eye contact, a few dirty words and obvious enjoyment help her relax and let go, which makes her far more likely to come. Moan, grin, tell her not to stop.

Reverse cowgirl is the same idea, but you face your partner's feet instead of their face. Kneel astride their hips with your back to them, lower yourself on and ride. It gives a different angle inside, pressing the front wall of the vagina in a new way, and your partner gets a great view of your bum.

Lean forward with your hands on their thighs or the bed for balance, or lean back onto your hands on their chest for a deeper feel. Grinding works well here too, and you can easily reach your clit. Your partner can stroke your back, grab your hips or reach round to touch you.

Take extra care with reverse cowgirl. An erect penis naturally points up towards the partner's belly, so leaning too far forward or moving too hard can bend it the wrong way. Keep movements controlled, stay close to the base and stop if anything feels off. Slow and steady is sexier anyway.

Once you've nailed the basics, there are loads of woman on top positions to mix in:

• Lean-in cowgirl: lie flat on your partner's chest and grind, perfect for kissing and clit contact.
• Squatting cowgirl: put your feet flat on the bed and squat up and down for a deeper, more intense ride.
• Sideways rider: sit side-on across your partner's hips for a totally new angle.
• Seated cowgirl: your partner sits up against the headboard and you ride in their lap, face to face.

Switching between a few of these keeps the energy up and gives your legs a rest. Start in the classic cowgirl position, lean in when you want to kiss, then sit up and grind when you're getting close. Squatting is great for a short, intense burst, but your thighs will feel it, so save it for when you're both nearly there.

Mostly, yes, but there's one risk to know about. A penile fracture happens when an erect penis is bent suddenly, tearing the tissue inside. It's rare, but it's most often linked to vigorous sex where the penis slips out and gets slammed down, which can happen when riding hard.

Signs include a popping or cracking sound, sudden pain, quick loss of erection and swelling or bruising. It needs urgent hospital care, so go straight to A&E if it happens. The best prevention is simple: avoid dramatic bouncing, lift up only partway, and slow down if you feel it slipping out.

For the partner on top, knees and thighs can get sore. Use cushions, take breaks and don't push through pain. If penetration ever hurts, stop, add lube or change the angle, and see a GP or sexual health clinic if it keeps happening.

Using condoms? Check it's still on properly when you change position, as riding can sometimes roll one up. A quick feel at the base takes a second and saves a lot of worry later.

Lots of people avoid being on top because they worry about how they look or whether they're doing it right. Here's a secret: your partner is almost certainly loving it. Watching someone enjoy themselves is one of the hottest things there is. The more you focus on your own pleasure, the sexier you'll look and feel.

Dim the lights if it helps, or wear something that makes you feel good. Close your eyes and focus on the feeling rather than the view. Start with grinding, which needs no special rhythm, and build from there. Confidence grows every time you try, and the cowgirl position rewards practice like no other.

Most of all, remember that it's meant to be fun. Laugh if you slip out, take a breather if your legs shake, and tell your partner what you want. Once you get the hang of riding, you might find you never want to be on the bottom again.