The lotus sex position: wrapped up, eye to eye

The lotus sex position is a seated embrace. One partner sits cross-legged on the bed or floor. The other climbs into their lap, facing them, wraps their legs around their partner's waist and lowers themselves on. You end up chest to chest, arms around each other, faces close enough to share breath. It's a hug with penetration, and it feels every bit as intense as that sounds.

It isn't a position for fast, hard sex. There's very little room to thrust, so the movement comes from rocking, grinding and squeezing. That slower pace is exactly the point. It makes you pay attention to each other, and it builds arousal in a steady, rolling way that can lead to deep, full-body orgasms.

Any couple can try it. It works with a penis or a strap-on, and two partners of any gender can sit wrapped together for grinding, fingering or toy play. All you need is a bit of hip and knee flexibility, a willingness to slow down and someone you want to be very, very close to.

The lotus is often called the yab yum position. Yab-yum means 'father-mother' in Tibetan, and it describes images in Tibetan Buddhist art of a male and female deity seated in a close embrace. In that tradition, the pose symbolises the union of wisdom and compassion rather than a literal how-to for sex.

Western tantra and sex-positive teachers later borrowed the image as a model for slow, connected lovemaking. Seated, face-to-face embraces also appear in old Indian erotic writing such as the Kama Sutra, so the idea of having sex wrapped together in a lap is very old. The modern name is newer, but the closeness behind it is timeless.

You don't need to be spiritual to enjoy it. Plenty of people simply love how it feels. Still, borrowing a little of that mindful attitude, slowing down and really noticing your partner, is what makes the lotus sex position so different from a quick shag. It rewards patience in a way few positions do.

Setting up takes a minute, and getting comfy first makes a huge difference. Here's how to get into lotus position sex:

• The base partner sits cross-legged on the bed, ideally with pillows behind them or their back against the headboard.
• The other partner faces them, straddles their lap and lowers down slowly, using plenty of lube.
• They wrap their legs around the base partner's waist and cross their ankles behind their back.
• Both wrap your arms around each other, holding shoulders or the small of the back for support.
• Settle in, look at each other and begin to rock gently.

If cross-legged sitting is hard on the base partner's hips, they can stretch their legs straight out or sit on the edge of the bed with feet on the floor. The partner on top can kneel either side instead of wrapping their legs round. It's still a seated embrace, and it still feels incredibly close.

Forget thrusting. In the lotus sex position, the partner on top does most of the moving by rocking their hips forward and back, or grinding in slow circles. Because you're pressed together, every rock rubs the clit or the base of the penis against your partner's body. Small movements feel surprisingly big.

The base partner can help by holding their partner's hips or bum and guiding the rhythm, or by squeezing and relaxing their pelvic floor muscles. Pull each other in tight, then ease off. Lean back a little to change the angle, then come back together for a kiss. Keep it slow and let the tension build.

Try pauses as well. Stop moving entirely, stay deep and just hold each other while you breathe. Then start again. This start-stop teasing can make you both desperately horny, and it's a brilliant way for the partner with a penis to last longer without losing any of the heat.

Use your hands while you move. Run your fingers up and down your partner's spine, cup the back of their head, or slide a hand between you to touch the clit. Kiss slowly and deeply. In the lotus, touch does as much work as movement, and every little stroke feels amplified.

Tantric sex is less about technique and more about attention. It focuses on breathing, touch, eye contact and staying present instead of racing towards the finish. The lotus sex position fits that perfectly because you can't really rush it, and you're face to face the whole time. That's why it sits at the top of most lists of tantric sex positions.

Try breathing together. Rest your foreheads against each other and match your breath: in for four, out for four. Some couples like to breathe in sync, others like one partner to breathe in while the other breathes out, as if passing the breath between them. It sounds simple, but it can make arousal feel stronger and more spread out through the body.

Hold eye contact for longer than feels normal. It can feel awkward for the first few seconds, then oddly exciting. Combine that with slow rocking and soft touch along the spine, and many people find they reach a deeper, longer orgasm than usual. Even if you don't, the closeness is the reward.

Almost every inch of you is touching. Chests, stomachs, thighs, arms. You can feel each other's heartbeat and breath. In a lot of positions you can drift off into your own head, but in the lotus there's nowhere to hide, and that's what makes it one of the most intimate sex positions there is.

That closeness can feel vulnerable, especially with a newer partner. It's fine to giggle, look away or chat. Intimacy isn't about being serious, it's about being present. Laugh if you wobble, whisper what you're feeling, tell them what you want next. Being real with each other is a big part of what makes it hot.

It's also a great position for reconnecting. If you've been busy, distant or stuck in a routine, the lotus makes you slow down and pay attention. Ten minutes wrapped up like this can do more for your connection than an hour of rushed sex in your usual positions.

Comfort decides whether you love or hate the lotus sex position. The base partner needs back support, so sit against a headboard, a wall or a stack of firm pillows. A cushion under their bum tilts the pelvis forward and takes strain off the hips. If the top partner's thighs tire, they can unwrap their legs and kneel on soft pillows instead.

Lube is a must, since the angle is shallow and you're rubbing against each other a lot. Take your time getting in, and get properly warmed up with plenty of foreplay first. Sitting in each other's laps while you kiss and touch is a lovely way to start before penetration even begins.

If knees or hips start to ache, change things rather than gritting your teeth. Swap the cross-legged base for legs straight out, move to a chair, or lean the top partner back onto their hands. The lotus is meant to feel good, so adjust as often as you need.

If the classic version doesn't suit your bodies, there are lots of seated sex positions with the same close feel:

• Chair lotus: the base partner sits on a sturdy armless chair, feet on the floor, which is much easier on the hips.
• Edge of the bed: the base partner sits on the edge and the other straddles their lap with feet on the floor or bed.
• Leaning lotus: both partners lean back on their hands for a different angle and a great view.
• Lap ride: the top partner faces away, sitting back into their partner's lap, for slow grinding and easy clit access.
• Kneeling lotus: both kneel facing each other, which works well if cross-legged sitting hurts.

All of these keep the slow, grinding rhythm that makes the lotus sex position special, so try a couple and see which your bodies like best. Switching between them mid-session is easy, keeps things interesting and gives aching joints a well-earned rest.

The lotus asks a lot of the knees, hips and lower back, especially for the base partner. If you have a recent joint injury, a hip or knee replacement or ongoing back pain, skip it or use the chair version until a doctor or physio says it's fine. Stop if anything twinges.

It's not ideal in later pregnancy either, as the bump gets in the way and sitting upright with a partner in your lap can be awkward. Side-lying positions like spooning are usually easier. And if penetration ever hurts, stop, add lube or change the angle, and see a GP or sexual health clinic if pain continues.

Big differences in size or weight can make the classic version tricky, since the base partner has to support someone in their lap. The chair or edge-of-the-bed versions solve this, because the floor takes some of the load. There's always a way to get the same closeness that works for your bodies.

Expect a few wobbles. Getting legs untangled, finding the right angle and working out who moves how can take a few goes. That's normal. Treat the first try as play rather than a performance and you'll enjoy it much more.

Expect it to feel slow, and maybe a bit strange if you're used to faster sex. The pleasure builds differently, in waves rather than a sprint. Give it at least ten minutes before deciding whether it works for you. Most couples find the second and third tries feel much better than the first.

And expect to feel close. Even if the lotus sex position doesn't become a regular favourite, it often leaves people feeling more connected afterwards. Many couples keep it for special nights, anniversaries or slow Sunday mornings. Wherever it ends up in your routine, it's worth the effort.

Expect to need a lube top-up halfway through, too, as long, slow sessions can dry things out. Keep a bottle within reach so you don't have to untangle yourselves to find it.